Self Love is the Best Love
Knowing that loving yourself is the best love made me think. I started thinking about who teaches self love. As I watch my daughter grow and evolve her personality shines through.
From the day she was born, I was able to see her personality traits. She learns fast, is curious, loves food, is strong-willed, and powerful. Savvi is a ball of fire!
Looking at my oldest, Kaylah, and seeing how she went from such a confident and determined toddler to a somewhat self-conscious teen, made me wonder where do these insecurities and feelings of inadequacies come from in children.
As a mom, I make sure to tell my daughters they are loved, smart, and beautiful. I especially teach my oldest the importance of loving herself, all of herself.
Nature vs. Nurture
This age old debate questions if there are innate triggers or if it is the environment that has the biggest impact on development. When it comes to loving yourself, both factors come into play.
I don't remember learning to love myself early on. It seems like it was just there. Some things would chip away at it and others would deepen the love I had for myself.
Children are naturally curious and proud of every little accomplishment! Even the ones that we don't like. As they explore the world around them, they learn from reactions and experiences.
Loving and supportive parents reinforce love, safety, confidence, and pride. This is the type of parent I work at being with my girls. With my oldest, I noticed the self-questioning and doubts when school started.
This new environment allowed her to interact with others that weren't always loving or supportive. I can remember teachers that picked on students in subtle ways, including myself!
Adults don't realize the amount of influence we have over children's development. It’s time to become more mindful of our roles in shaping the youth. Parent or not, at some point you will interact with children.
What are you feeding their minds and spirits? What are you feeding your own mind and spirit? What we do as adults influences the little people around us.
Children tease others and bring ideologies from their households into the world with them. At school, children meet different types of people, learn to compare, experience rejection, and thus insecurities are born. I believe we are born will a full account of love.
Over time people and experiences can make withdrawals, just as they can deposits. That natural sense of self-love becomes worn down, with so many withdrawals. Self-Love never leaves.
It’s always there but buried under judgment and criticism that causes self-doubt. A disconnection is created and we can no longer tap into that source of love.
Learning to love yourself early on and having it reinforced as children grow up is a great way to instill confidence, self-worth, and unconditional love.
There are seasons in life where insecurities and doubt do come in naturally as we are changing and developing. These transitional periods are confusing and take time to accept. This is due to things like changing schools, puberty, moving, a new relationship, really it could any natural transition that happens in life. That is why emotional intelligence and learning about change is so important.
Who Teaches Self Love?
Without loving yourself these changes can be hard and it can take longer to adjust to the circumstances of life. Many adults find themselves lost, depressed, and unsure of themselves because their love account is depleted.
No one really teaches self love to children or adults. It is implied and discussed in a roundabout way. I had to learn to love myself again after a traumatic relationship.
When your self love account is empty it takes time and effort to fix. Knowing what I went through, I always tell other women how important it is to love themselves.
Movements in the black community have prompted more black mothers, like me to teach our children to be proud of their heritage and to embrace our culture.
I wonder if that is why everyone was so mad about Beyonce's song Formation. She told the world everything that our community needed to hear and see.
Self Love is an Inside Job
Self love is an inside job, it has to come from within. It begins naturally within us and changes over time.
As parents, (and adults — even if you aren't a parent) we need to make daily deposits into our children's accounts and our own.
When we show children how to love by displaying self-love for ourselves, it increases their ability to love themselves.
The people that know me personally, know I am always saying you have to put you first, that is what self-love is about. When you love yourself you do a better job taking care of yourself.
I put together a simple but helpful video about holistic self love. Check it out here: Self Love is an Inside Job
When is the last time you checked your love account? Are you really loving yourself, or do you need to work building your account back up? It's okay if you're running low, remember love is a verb! You have to take action daily.
I wrote about the importance of self love in my book, Achieve Your Dreams, which I am in the process of rewriting!!
Learning self love is not hard, it just takes time and persistence. You are definitely worth it. Be sure to make daily deposits in your personal love bank. Work with me to learn how I can help you reconnect with yourself, through Spiritual Love Coaching and Healing.
Remember sharing is caring, share this post with the people you love. Make a deposit in their love bank and watch yours overflow!